I have always struggled with my weight and I know now that when I was younger a lot of it was my perception of what it meant to be thin. I was never that big really, just a bit bigger than my friends and in my head that made me the fat girl and as I got older I got bigger. I know now that when I'm stressed, when depression and anxiety are at their worst I eat and in that time I don't care, or at least I tell myself that I don't care. But lets face it I do! I hate it when my clothes doesn't fit right, when I have to dig out the frumpy stuff because nothing fits.
I started Slimming World back in June 2016 and it was great. I loved it and I lost 5 stone (70lbs) in a bit over a year but than it stopped. Changes happened, I wasn't coping well with live and it stopped. I stoped being excited with my weight-loss and I concentrated more on what was still in front of me than what I had already achieved. I kept telling myself, ah what does it matter if I gain a bit this week, I can lose it again next week and so it stayed for most of the year.
In the last few month I told myself that it is ok, I could just stick with the little gain I had and be happy. I mean after all, I could finally go to penny's to get clothes, wasn't that my end goal? No, not really...I started this because I was unhappy and I couldn't play with the girls, because my health was suffering and yet, something was holding me back.
So yesterday after weigh-in and yet another gain week after a loss week, I decided enough! I took my tarot cards out and decided to get to the bottom of this. And yes, I did feel foolish for not having done this sooner, to see what is blocking me:
So I decided to bring out the big guns and do a Celtic Cross Spread for myself...something I don't really do, I stick to 3 cards for readings for myself.
So here What the reading means( quick one)
Self: Nine of Swords
Feeling the setback and suffering, like a nightmare situation that doesn't seem to end but it is also a bit of hopeful message here because as life goes in cycles, I'm nearing the end of this one and I can look forward to making changes and getting on with it. But i need to do the work, explore the feelings and work through them rather than just ignore them.
a reminder to look at the situation with honesty, face it head on...don't talk it nice!
Challenges/Opportunity: Page of Cups
Being excited is great but to succeed I need to find the balance between that initial excitement and the work that needs to be done. So my challenge but also my opportunity is to find at initial excitement again and work with it and remember that setbacks are part of any journey. Learn from what didn't work and improve on it.
Recent Past: Four of Swords
A lot of chaos but having had the time to take a breather and figure out what is important to me is leading me in the right direction.
Higher Power: Queen of Swords
I'm usually a Queen of Cups and I do see the Queen of Swords as her opposite and she is there to remind me about what is true, what works and what positive things I can do to make it work, I need to accept her influence to move forward.
Near Future: Ten of Coins
couldn't be much better really, with hard work I get to where I want to be but it isn't the end and I can sit on my arse. This card means I need to think longterm and keep going.
Blockers: Six of Cups
I feel like there is no way out that I'm stuck and this card is a reminder that if I allow that negative and passive thinking in, I will never get to where I want to be. it is time to be active and stop what is not working or I'm doomed to repeat the past mistakes.
Allies: Three of Wands
What a lovely card and what a lovely reminder that I have friends that will help me and support me. Ask for help and I will get it!
Advice: Seven of Cups
Relax and and be open to your dreams. Letting go of fears and manifesting that outcome.
Long-term Potential: Eight of Cups
Always evaluate what works and what doesn't. Sometimes it is better to walk away from what is not working and finding a different approach. It is a reminder to stay flexible and not get bogged down on one path.
A bit of an eye-opener but also a affirmation of what I know! Wish me luck as I start a fresh!